2012 Eurovision mini review

Another year, another Eurovision.

The magical weekend is over and once more all we are left with is a blur of outlandish costumes and over-styled hair, surrounded by low-lying clouds of mist, pushed along by an industrial wind, lit by 100’s of pyrotechnics, set to a soundtrack of badly played trumpet.

 My highlights for this year included:

Charlie Pickering’s Azerbaijani twin.
Last years winner forgetting the words to Waterloo (a song I long to have removed from my memory) during the semi final intermission.
The Iceland entrant who looked like he would eat your young.
Norway’s answer to Peter Andre (an answer to a question nobody asked)
and the Albanian entrant who was clearly being controlled by the alien lifeforce that lay upon her chest.

The winner this year was, of course, Sweden with Euphoria:

Now don’t get me wrong, it’s a great song (plus she does a bit of a hammertime shuffle part way through the performance) BUT, it is legitimately good – not Eurovision good. I could picture the youth of today singing and dancing along to the track while waving their glow sticks in an enthusiastic fashion at the discotheque …and not in an ironic way. Eurovision is about the tacky, the cheesy, the downright ridiculous! I just hope Sweden’s win hasn’t poisoned the very essence of Eurovision.

At least the spirit hasn’t completely died out just yet…


A 40+ year old guy (I’m speculating) who looked and moved like he had just come off a massive night of substantial alcoholic beverage consumption (also speculation) after a hard day selling used cars (…maybe) named Rambo…who busted rhymes.

Or if you’d prefer an insightful fellow’s simple yet hauntingly accurate description: Meatloaf and Gerard Depardieu’s middle-aged love child. (Thanks Ben)


Hot female singer in impossibly short dress, surrounded by terrible choreography and lyrics which include the rhyming of ‘maniac’ with ‘aphrodisiac’ – genius!


A bedazzled blindfold, second-rate Michael Jackson moves and one-handed cartwheel.


I’m sure I’m not the only one who can’t seem to fill the void left by discraced 90’s dance group Black Box…right!?


Poor man’s Sacha Baron Cohen, joined by several dudes in capes…which eventually join to become a ship.


I haven’t seen fancy footwork like this since the opening sequence of  Kenny Loggin’s Footloose.

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Good evening, Azerbaijan calling!

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of broken English, tear-away costumes, commercial grade gale force-wind-creating fans and numerous mimed instruments.

It’s Eurovision weekend!!!

I for one can’t wait to see these old Russian broads bring the house down with their sure fire hit Party For Everybody. Step off LMFAO with your tight pants, shuffling and whatnot – these bitches be  wearing quilts so you know they’re gonna bring it!

Seriously though, Eurovision is like Christmas for me…a much tackier and trashier Christmas.

Truth be told, I have been slightly disappointed the past few years as the competition has seen the inclusion of way too many ballads for my liking. Crazy upbeat hits with choreography and costumes so bizarre they leave you  simultaneously confused, terrified, and thoroughly entertained is where it’s at for me. The addition of pyrotechnics never hurts either. Fingers crossed 2012 brings the goods!

This year Sweden is odds on favourite with Euphoria sung by Loreen. How the bookies could put her above the Russian Babushka dolls I will never know. As for the UK…I know what you’re thinking…how could they possibly top last years entrant, washed up boy band Blue??! Fear not – they’ve done it! Ol’ Engelbert Humperdinck is breaking out the zimmer frame and hitting the stage with Love Will Set You Free. Who is going to tell them it’s time they respectfully back away from the competition? I mean, I know they are part of Europe, but come on.

It all kicks off tonight on SBS with the first semi final at 8:30pm. Though, if you truly want to immerse yourself in all things eurovision, tune in at 7:30pm for Julia Zemiro’s The Road To Eurovision.

I will leave you with one of my all time favourite Eurovision winners – the almighty Lordi

I also want to give the 2008 winner an honourable mention for the inclusion of a random ice-skater at about the 1:56min mark. I also  rate the finish – brilliant.

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Micallef is somewhat peeved.

Actually, he is Mad As Hell.

A look I personally think becomes him.

Shaun Micallef will be returning to a somewhat familiar style of show and network with his latest project – Mad As Hell. Premiering on ABC1 this Friday at 8:00pm, the show will see Micallef tackle the weeks news stories in a comedic fashion in front of a live studio audience.

Micallef’s humour may not be for everyone, some say he is an acquired taste, I think he’s brilliant. He is intelligent, quirky, and quite regularly completely off the wall – all qualities I hold in high regard.

I’m really looking forward to watching the madness that will no doubt ensue, in the meantime let’s take a trip down memory lane…

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How the hell was I not aware of this? My 16 year-old hip hop obsessed self would pop a figurative cap in my ass if she knew this flew under my radar.

Coupling a classic game show format (Hollywood Squares) that lost its buzz decades ago, with loose hip hop stars including Ghostface Killah, Fat Joe and Machine Gun Kelly is pure genius!

Top that off with rule number 1 in the MTV ‘how to make television’ handbook:  it is not enough to merely have the unpredictability of stars in their natural state – ALWAYS add alcohol. As was revealed in The New York Times behind the scenes story:

…the green room is on camera, complete with a stocked bar, and the celebrity players are invited to drink. Cocktail waitresses show up on the neon-blue-and-pink set; an in-house D.J. adds to the clubby vibe. 

And my favourite part:

At one point MGK somehow ordered a slice of pizza.


For those of you who haven’t heard of Hollywood Squares, it’s basically a naughts and crosses scenario. The Celebrities in the squares get asked questions and the contestants have to either agree or disagree with their (often trying too hard to be witty) answer, which then leads to them gaining or losing the square.

Sounds pretty boring, yes? But in Hip Hop Squares the bottom row is called ‘the projects’ and contestants drink straight from champagne bottles on set – winner!

Not to mention Childish Gambino (Donald Glover – best known as Troy from Community) is in a few episodes!! SOLD!

The first episode airs tonight on MTV2 in the states, not sure if/when it will air here in Australia.

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Legit Anchorman 2 teaser

Though we were all willing to watch the bootleg teaser which looked like it had been filmed through a dogs rectum while going through a front loader spin cycle: here is the official HD teaser for Anchorman 2

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Anchorman – The Legend Continues

 It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way

Though it is without doubt of the worst possible quality, below is the Anchorman 2 teaser.  It may be brief, but it has helped to partially relieve my concerns that this sequel could be the downfall of the hilarious anchorman legacy.

I’m simple, hilarious, classic Channel 4 news team.

Louie Louie Louie Louieeeeee

Ok bitches, get your Filofaxes out (people still use those right?) and get ready to pencil in June 28 – Louis CK  will be back on our screens. It’s kinda soon I guess, though it does feel like it’s been a lifetime between seasons. I’m definitely suffering from FX programming withdrawls (It’s Always Sunny…I need you!)

Anyway, here is the new Louie promo. Don’t get too excited, it’s shorter than the line outside a midnight screening of The English Patient 2.

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Great Scott!

Ok, so this probably falls on the high end of the ‘merch’ category…

The electric DeLorean (not-yet-released) has made it’s first appearance at  the 2012 New York International Auto Show. Is a car that runs on electricity as cool as one that runs on garbage? Of course not. Nor is one the has an ipod dock, but no flux capacitor. Crushed childhood dreams aside, I’d still love to have one of these…that is if it didn’t carry a $95,000 price tag. Guess I could always go into the future, buy a sports almanac, go back in time, bet on a bunch of sporting events, win millions of dollars THEN I could buy one. But wait…I would first need the DeLorean to be able to go back in time. What a conundrum.


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Action stars work hard for the money – Japanese commercial madness!

In my drowsy-cold-medicated state I got to thinking about Nic Cage (this happens more often than I care to disclose) in particular, how he fits into this crazy mixed up world. It becomes exceedingly more apparent with each new entry into his body of work that he is on another level, one much different to that of us mere mortals. Good different? Lord no, but different nonetheless.

It must be so hard for Cage, as he is continually panned for his erratically-outlandish-unnecessarily-over-the-top acting (mostly by me) there must be someone, somewhere that calls for exactly that type of thing. There is – it’s called Japan:


The intention of this post was to showcase Cage, however, I stumbled across a few other action stars have also gotten in on the game:



Van Damme



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Villains with Trump hair – Series 1

And so it begins…

Lord Trump

Freddy Trump

Penguin Trump

Hellraiser Trump

Darth Trump

Predator Trump

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