Category Archives: News

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With it’s unnecessary (and let’s face it, embarrassing*) use in The Expendables 2 not enough to satisfy those thirsting for catchphrases well passed their use by dates, Hollywood has found another excuse for Schwarzenegger to speak those words as tired as his leather pants – “I’ll be back”.

Arnie has reportedly signed on for Terminator 5 and 6.

Why?

In my opinion, the Terminator franchise should have ended at the second instalment  It was brilliant. It featured Edward Furlong before all the Heroin, alcohol and restraining orders. PLUS, sweet CGI for the shapeshifting T-1000. What more can you ask for?

But of course, Hollywood isn’t one to let things end in a dignified way. No, they like to flog a good a idea until it is virtually unrecognisable.

Blarg.

*Please note, I actually did enjoy Expendables 2 for being so ridiculously cheesy.

T-800 on a pension

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Jumanji Remake – seriously?

Yep, it’s happening.

I don’t know how many more anti-remake posts I can dish out. I feel I am about one away from crawling into the foetal position, while wearing a helmet fashioned out of tin foil, screaming at the hundreds of cats that have accumulated around me like magnets to the crazy.

But I’m not insane…right? Surely someone out there somewhere has an original idea.

Someone?

Anyone?

Bueller?

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I’m not entirely sure I’d buy that for a dollar.

Robocop remake – it’s happening.

Continuing Hollywood’s firm “If someone has already made a movie, let’s not waste time coming up with something original” stance, MGM will be rehashing the 1987 classic Robocop.

Even though the addition of Samuel L. Jackson with his unnecessarily loud dialogue delivery and extensive f-bomb use generally brings forth amusement, I still don’t feel comfortable about this happening. Joel Kinnaman will take on the title role, Gary Oldman will play Norton (the genius behind the techonology) and aussie Abbie Cornish has been cast as Mrs Robocop. Hugh Laurie is also in talks to join the cast as one of the film’s main villains. Again, Hugh is good value, but does that really make this OK?

Apparently José Padilha’s (the genius behind this re-imagining) is a massive fan of the original (I should bloody hope so) “…everybody that’s involved in this movie loved the original and we have a lot of respect for it. We’re going to have a lot of throwbacks and there’s going to be a lot of fun stuff for the fans of the first movie. It’s a new story within the old one.”

Hmm…we’ll see.

Meanwhile: let’s enjoy some of Samuel L’s best work

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The darkest timeline

As I’m sure you all know by now, Dan Harmon was fired as showrunner for Community – which basically means the end of the world as we know it. Actually it’s worse than that. I’d take the plagues of locusts, floods and Dementors (or whatever mythical creatures that Jesus related fairytale says is in store for us) over Community going mainstream with a laugh-track and 2 Broke Girls style ‘jokes’.

I woke up to the news of the NBC exec’s brain haemorrhage (only logical explanation) on my birthday a week ago and needed to take some time to gather my thoughts and formulate them in just the right way before sharing them with the world (or more accurately, the 2 people that accidentally stumble across this blog). To put it in the simplest of terms – it sucks mega balls.

On what planet is firing the creative genius behind the show a good idea? I’ll tell you. On planet bullshit, in the galaxy of this sucks camel dicks!

Yes there will be another season of Community which is great news, but what the hell is Greendale going to be like without Dan? Community fans all over the world have flooded the internet to show their outrage at NBC and total support for Dan with gifs, images and other internerd related things. This one, made me both laugh and shudder in fear.

#sixseasonsandwelovedanharmon

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Good evening, Azerbaijan calling!

Can you hear that? It’s the sound of broken English, tear-away costumes, commercial grade gale force-wind-creating fans and numerous mimed instruments.

It’s Eurovision weekend!!!

I for one can’t wait to see these old Russian broads bring the house down with their sure fire hit Party For Everybody. Step off LMFAO with your tight pants, shuffling and whatnot – these bitches be  wearing quilts so you know they’re gonna bring it!

Seriously though, Eurovision is like Christmas for me…a much tackier and trashier Christmas.

Truth be told, I have been slightly disappointed the past few years as the competition has seen the inclusion of way too many ballads for my liking. Crazy upbeat hits with choreography and costumes so bizarre they leave you  simultaneously confused, terrified, and thoroughly entertained is where it’s at for me. The addition of pyrotechnics never hurts either. Fingers crossed 2012 brings the goods!

This year Sweden is odds on favourite with Euphoria sung by Loreen. How the bookies could put her above the Russian Babushka dolls I will never know. As for the UK…I know what you’re thinking…how could they possibly top last years entrant, washed up boy band Blue??! Fear not – they’ve done it! Ol’ Engelbert Humperdinck is breaking out the zimmer frame and hitting the stage with Love Will Set You Free. Who is going to tell them it’s time they respectfully back away from the competition? I mean, I know they are part of Europe, but come on.

It all kicks off tonight on SBS with the first semi final at 8:30pm. Though, if you truly want to immerse yourself in all things eurovision, tune in at 7:30pm for Julia Zemiro’s The Road To Eurovision.

I will leave you with one of my all time favourite Eurovision winners – the almighty Lordi

I also want to give the 2008 winner an honourable mention for the inclusion of a random ice-skater at about the 1:56min mark. I also  rate the finish – brilliant.

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Micallef is somewhat peeved.

Actually, he is Mad As Hell.

A look I personally think becomes him.

Shaun Micallef will be returning to a somewhat familiar style of show and network with his latest project – Mad As Hell. Premiering on ABC1 this Friday at 8:00pm, the show will see Micallef tackle the weeks news stories in a comedic fashion in front of a live studio audience.

Micallef’s humour may not be for everyone, some say he is an acquired taste, I think he’s brilliant. He is intelligent, quirky, and quite regularly completely off the wall – all qualities I hold in high regard.

I’m really looking forward to watching the madness that will no doubt ensue, in the meantime let’s take a trip down memory lane…

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HIP HOP SQUARES – BEST. GAME SHOW. IDEA. EVER.

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                        

                                                                                                                                                                                              

How the hell was I not aware of this? My 16 year-old hip hop obsessed self would pop a figurative cap in my ass if she knew this flew under my radar.

Coupling a classic game show format (Hollywood Squares) that lost its buzz decades ago, with loose hip hop stars including Ghostface Killah, Fat Joe and Machine Gun Kelly is pure genius!

Top that off with rule number 1 in the MTV ‘how to make television’ handbook:  it is not enough to merely have the unpredictability of stars in their natural state – ALWAYS add alcohol. As was revealed in The New York Times behind the scenes story:

…the green room is on camera, complete with a stocked bar, and the celebrity players are invited to drink. Cocktail waitresses show up on the neon-blue-and-pink set; an in-house D.J. adds to the clubby vibe. 

And my favourite part:

At one point MGK somehow ordered a slice of pizza.

Brilliant.

For those of you who haven’t heard of Hollywood Squares, it’s basically a naughts and crosses scenario. The Celebrities in the squares get asked questions and the contestants have to either agree or disagree with their (often trying too hard to be witty) answer, which then leads to them gaining or losing the square.

Sounds pretty boring, yes? But in Hip Hop Squares the bottom row is called ‘the projects’ and contestants drink straight from champagne bottles on set – winner!

Not to mention Childish Gambino (Donald Glover – best known as Troy from Community) is in a few episodes!! SOLD!

The first episode airs tonight on MTV2 in the states, not sure if/when it will air here in Australia.

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Legit Anchorman 2 teaser

Though we were all willing to watch the bootleg teaser which looked like it had been filmed through a dogs rectum while going through a front loader spin cycle: here is the official HD teaser for Anchorman 2

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Anchorman – The Legend Continues

 It’s a formidable scent… It stings the nostrils. In a good way

Though it is without doubt of the worst possible quality, below is the Anchorman 2 teaser.  It may be brief, but it has helped to partially relieve my concerns that this sequel could be the downfall of the hilarious anchorman legacy.

I’m simple, hilarious, classic Channel 4 news team.

Louie Louie Louie Louieeeeee

Ok bitches, get your Filofaxes out (people still use those right?) and get ready to pencil in June 28 – Louis CK  will be back on our screens. It’s kinda soon I guess, though it does feel like it’s been a lifetime between seasons. I’m definitely suffering from FX programming withdrawls (It’s Always Sunny…I need you!)

Anyway, here is the new Louie promo. Don’t get too excited, it’s shorter than the line outside a midnight screening of The English Patient 2.

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